Recently, I had the chance to speak with a parent about her journey with Autism. Her son is 5 years old and was diagnosed at the age of 2. She indicated that she noticed something was “wrong” with her son at 15 months and she expressed this to the doctor only to be told to wait a little longer. At the next doctor’s appointment, she again expressed her concern and was told again to wait a little longer. During the third (and final) doctor’s appointment, she was told that the behaviors her child were exhibiting (lack of eye contact, no verbal behavior, perseveration with specific toys) were normal and he would grow out of them. Thankfully, this mother did not take no for an answer and found a doctor that did provide her with the proper supports.
During our conversation, she indicated that hearing the words “your child has autism” was the equivalent to a bomb being dropped into her heart. “A flood of emotions came over me, but the strongest emotion was fear for my child’s future. What will his life be after I am no longer on this earth? Will he ever be married and live a full and independent life? Will he find love? Will I have grandkids?”. Unfortunately, these feelings are the normal response of a parent following a diagnosis.
When a child is born, the parents have a vision of their child’s life. My parents wanted me to become a doctor however, I had other plans. I do not have kids, but I have had the chance to work with many families who have been affected by Autism. Each family deals with the diagnosis differently; however, some coping strategies are better than others. The diagnosis of Autism can be devastating to a family, but it is not terminal. As a professional, it is my responsibility to ensure each learner I interact with receives appropriate and high-quality interventions geared towards the individuals' needs. Sometimes these needs include assisting families in creating their vision of a “New Normal”. Over the past 10 years, I have had the privilege of helping many families walk through this process and there are 3 core concepts I utilize in supporting each family through their autism journey.
1. Jump In Head First.
Autism is not something that goes away. Following diagnosis, some parents are not able to cope with the diagnosis, so they decide to ignore what is going on around them. Instead of putting your head in the sand, I advise parents to jump in head first and learn about Autism. There are hundreds of resources available for parents to educate themselves about the diagnosis of Autism and most (not all) of the information is very informative and accurate. Yes, you will find articles that are false/misleading/ inaccurate / and inappropriate but the vast majority of information available can be helpful. Autism is different for every child so comparing your child to another is not always effective but developing a true and accurate picture of the diagnosis is critical for your child’s (and your) future success.
2. Develop a village.
It is said that it takes a village to raise a child. This statement rings true in the life of an Autism family. As a parent, it is critical that you identify family, friends, professional, and other parents to become a part of your village. You will need people around you to help carry the load of raising your child. It's difficult to raise a typically developing child alone and this task becomes harder when a diagnosis is given. Your village is a group who can support you when you need it most and can provide you encouragement when you think the load is too heavy. These are people who love and care for you and only want your family to thrive and flourish. Many hands will make the work easier.
3. Plan for the future.
Like the mother I mentioned earlier in this blog you will have questions about your child’s future, and this is absolutely normal. These questions will be very difficult and will cause you to think about your child’s life well after you have transitioned out of this life. It is difficult to look at your beautiful 3-year-old and wonder what his/her life will be like at the age of 23 but, it is an essential part of parenting a child who has been affected by Autism. You must develop your “New Normal” but where do you start. You will have hundreds of questions running through your mind at once and it will be difficult to organize your taught to develop a clear, concise and cohesive plan for your child future. Covenant 15:16 LLC has developed a planning guide entitled “Developing A New Normal”, which is an E-Book designed to help you identify what “Normal” is for you and your family. Simply click on the link and download this free E-Book. You will also receive a coupon towards other valuable assessments to will help you develop your “New Normal”
A diagnosis of Autism is not an easy thing to work through but it is possible to develop your families “New Normal”. By jumping in head first, establishing your village and planning for the future you will see dramatic changes in your family’s lives. Yes, there will be detours and roadblocks but if you keep moving forward your journey will be rewarding and successful.